The light fades. I close my eyes. I can relax. I take a long deep breath. It’s only me now. I focus my attention on my lower back. It aches a bit. I shift slightly, imperceptibly, to find a more comfortable angle. That feels better. I settle in for a good while.
The music fades in. Soft and tender at first. Gentle piano notes emerge from the speakers in my living room and waft through the air, enveloping me and the room. I breathe them in. The melody is soothing. I sink further into myself.
The music has many roles. It grounds me, it is my home. From its gentle nest, I can observe clouds of feeling forming high in the sky of my mind.
My thoughts are a whirlwind. Spinning fast in the same direction. The momentum of my day is calling the shots. Patiently, I allow the music to take over my mind. Little by little, the tornado loses energy. Like dissipating smoke, it becomes possible to see individual strands. They are entangled in a formless cloud, but slowing down. I can begin to see more definition in them before they fade away.
The pleasant melody takes on more layers. A compelling rhythm. It takes off and transports me with it. A double bass joins the formation. Its distinctly deep vibration points me to a single thought for a while. I let it fully occupy the space in my mind. I can see details forming, if only for an instant. I feel its beauty. I feel how fragile it is. I try to hold on to it a little longer. Protect it from disappearing into the black. It only causes it to break up faster, and more violently. The sharp loss reminds me. In this instant, I am not the thinker. I can only observe.
I can reach new peaks of grace, which will go unnoticed if I don’t acknowledge the basics first. This delicate flower is in full bloom, but through my hunger all I can see is a fork. Just as quickly as it formed, I watch it wilt away.
A more basic feeling manifests. Primitive, ancient, animalistic. My pulse quickens. I feel my blood flow to my extremities. Raw, unbridled passion.
I am pulled out of my thoughts for a moment. I realize that my breathing has become shallow, my body is bent awkwardly forward. I stretch out a little and allow my breath to deepen and fill me with new energy.
Back to the music.